There are negative images of only children such as ‘only children lack social skills’ and ‘it is difficult for only children to make friends on their own’, while positive images such as ‘only children are loved a lot’ and ‘only children are meek’ There are quite a few people who think. In these days when the number of only children is increasing due to parents’ personal and social reasons. Here are few tips for raising an only child.
Tips for Raising an Only Child
Do Not Feel Guilty for having a Single Child
Parents need not feel guilty Parents who choose to have only one child for personal and social reasons often feel sorry for their only child. I feel sorry for not having a brother, or I feel sorry again for fear that I will be lonely because I have no place to turn in my life. But for the sake of the child, it is better to let go of feelings of regret or guilt.
Children are more sensitive to their parents’ psychology the younger they are, and this tendency is even stronger in the case of an only child who has a strong relationship with their parents. So, when a parent thinks, “I feel sorry for the only child because it is lonely,” that thought is passed on to the child as it is. Then the child will naturally begin to think, “I am a lonely and poor child because I have no brothers.” That’s why the parents said, “It doesn’t matter if it’s an only child. How about that?” You have to have a positive mindset. Let’s not forget that only children are happy children who can monopolize their parents’ affection.
No studies have proven that only children are selfish
There are no studies that prove that only children are self-righteous. Rather, it is argued that ‘only children’ are less likely to fail in parenting than ‘children with siblings’ and are more likely to lead a stable and happy life. Various studies have been conducted in the field of child psychology on only children.
Social psychologist Tony Palbo looked at hundreds of studies analyzing the relationship between family composition and a child’s personality and selected 141 studies that dealt with only children. “In terms of personality, the only child was no different from the children raised with his brother. There are no studies that support the stereotype that only children are lonely, self-righteous, and lack adaptability.” (Patricia Nakman, Andrea Thompson, from <Don’t Say ‘Because I’m the Only Child>>) Among the various qualities, it is the ‘motivation to achieve’ and ‘confidence’ that the only child scored higher than the child who has a brother.
In other words, the confidence of ‘can do’ and the will to achieve something are higher than those of children with siblings. In addition, only children have a strong tendency to pursue higher education, higher grades, and more prestigious jobs.
The biggest advantage of an only child is that they can monopolize the love of their parents. And this leads to a heart of concession.
Most people think that if they grew up receiving a lot of exclusive love, they wouldn’t have the heart to occupy ‘mine’ and yield. But rather the opposite. The only child who grew up monopolizing the love of his parents is not obsessed with any problem because he is mentally and physically satisfied and psychologically stable.
Of course, it is not an ‘unconditional concession’ that endures even though there is a desire to do it, but rather not clinging to the thought of ‘I can do it next time’. It is a natural action that comes from the ‘relax of the mind’ that has a stable mind by receiving plenty of love from parents and is considerate of others. The experience of monopolizing parental love is more connected with the child’s ‘satisfaction of mind’ than parents can imagine. The reason the only child’s heart is stable is because there is a sense of relief that comes from not having to worry about losing the love of a parent to someone else.
The reason the only child looks so calm is that there is no one to play with.
Only children who spend a lot of time with their parents tend to be sensitive to their parents’ expressions. So, the tendency for parents to do things that please them is stronger than for children with siblings.
Parents of only children may think, ‘My child is quiet’, but in fact, the child may be adapting to the parents’ minds who think ‘I want to be quiet’. So, only children sometimes get together with children of their age or when they have friends, they shout and run around happily as if they have turned into completely different people. If you thought, ‘My child is docile and likes to be alone’, it is good to create an environment where children can play freely, such as hanging out with children of their age or hanging out with friends who have siblings.
If you can’t get along with your friends, your parents should set an example first.
elementary school, there are many children who are not able to actively join the group where their friends are already playing. This is simply not knowing how to behave, and it is not recommended to judge prematurely that the child is timid or cannot be part of the group because he is the only child.
In this case, it is good for parents to set an example. “Come on, I’ll tell you first,” I said to the child, then approached a group of friends and said, “What are you doing? Can I play with you?” and say it directly. A child can learn the ability to form relationships, that is, how to approach others by looking at their mother.
Don’t Worry That Your Child Will Be Left
Alone Author Yoshihiko Morotomi once conducted a survey of parents with only children. The question was, “What is the most insecure thing about raising an only child?” The most common responses were, “When my parents die, I will be left alone” and “There are no siblings who can help each other when something happens to my parents.” Parents with only children may still think this way. However, it was the conclusion of the writer Yoshihiko Morotomi that, whether there are brothers or not, a lonely person is lonely, and a person who is not is not lonely.
When raising an only child, the important thing is not to give too much ahead
of time. Children these days have little time to think about what they want for themselves. That’s because parents buy toys and other things ahead of time. That way, the child doesn’t know what he really wants. So, these days, the number of children without needs is increasing, and there are also children whose ‘needs’ themselves become smaller. In particular, parents of only children have one child, so they can afford it financially. Therefore, they tend to buy in advance before the child wants it. Remember that if you give your child too much and take away their ‘desire’ and ‘motivation’, they won’t be nurtured to try desperately to find what they really want to do and achieve it.
Only children need the training to choose
Even when the only child is in a situation where he can choose, when he says ‘anything’, he needs the training to choose. The most important thing in ‘choice training’ is that parents wait for their child to choose something. If you decide to leave the choice to the child, no matter how much time passes, you have to wait for the child to make their own choice.
If you decide for yourself, you take responsibility for that choice or decision, so even if the sweets your child chooses don’t taste good, they think it’s their fault. If the parents make a decision, the child develops a habit of blaming the parents for everything. ‘The ability to choose’ and ‘the ability to decide’ can be said to be exercises for choosing what you really want to do in the future. Parents rush ahead and say, “Is this good? right?” Actions that induce choices in such a way should be avoided.
If you want a sibling, say something positive.
The parents decided to have only one child, but at some point the child said, “Why don’t I have a brother? I wish I had a younger brother too!” If you do, parents will feel sorry and guilty. In that case, it is better to convey positive words that will make you feel comfortable that you do not have a brother.
It’s like, “You’re so adorable that you’re enough for a child.” If “I’m sorry I couldn’t have a younger brother”, “Dad and Mom decided to have only one child. If you say, “I’m sorry,” the child may feel sorry for not having a brother. Not because of the fact that he doesn’t have a brother, but because of his parents’ words of ‘I’m sorry’. The author pointed out the words that should never be said to a child who wants a younger brother: “If you become a good child, you may have a younger brother.” Hearing this, the child can blame himself for thinking that the reason for not having a younger brother is his.
From the standpoint of an only child, there is nothing more painful than a parent’s fight.
Kids really hate when their parents fight. In particular, only children have no siblings to share their anxiety and fear when their parents fight. So, when you are anxious about your parents, when you want to talk about your Dissatisfaction with parents and lack of oral English is more painful than adults think.
Therefore, you should never engage in a violent fight in front of a child, such as getting angry, crying, or resorting to violence. In addition, the ‘cold’ atmosphere in which the couple ignores each other is also a suffocating environment for children. In such a family atmosphere, even the child suppresses his emotions and is in a state of being unable to say what he wants to say. And if you have a fight in front of a child, reconciliation must also be done in front of the child. By watching the parents reconcile, the child can feel the relief that ‘even if we fight, we can reconcile’.