Even if we don’t want to hear it: we are unfaithful people. Around every second American has cheated on their partner at some point. And that applies to men and women alike.
Many women look for fault in themselves when their partner becomes unfaithful. In most cases, however, several factors come together. One reason for us to go again in search of the true reasons why men have a fling venture.
If we disregard the controversial thesis that the man is not suitable for monogamy, typical behavior patterns can indeed be recognized among strangers. Of course, not all of them apply to every man, but there are a handful of reasons that, in a hell of a lot, are triggers for infidelity. Indeed, some have to do with the current relationship. Others, however, do not. This is confirmed by the expert Helen Croydon, journalist, and author of several relationship guides. She explains the six most common reasons that lead men to cheat.
Here are 6 reasons men cheat. (They don’t excuse cheating, of course, but at least they provide an explanation.)
Sad but true: Unfortunately, it is often sexual frustration that leads men to seek their happiness in strange beds. According to expert Helen Croydon, “Bad sex in a relationship is the most common argument put forward by cheaters. Especially men looking for a romantic adventure online.” Reasons such as ‘the physical was just gone at some point’ or ‘our sex was very routine and run in’ are mentioned here very often, according to the expert.
“Sex is to men what emotional attachment is to women. Unfortunately, caresses are no substitute for men. If your partner says that his affair is not because your sex life has fallen asleep, then he is probably just diplomatic and courteous, “explains Helen Croydon. Her advice: “Everyone is busy with their job and appointments, but taking time for their partner, and that also means explicitly for the sex life with their partner, is simply extremely important in every relationship. When sex and passion disappear in the partnership, then you should actively do something about it! ”
The feeling of not being loved and desired or simply being taken for granted is another risk factor for infidelities. It might sound like a cliché, but Helen Croydon confirms: “Think of bored couples where he doesn’t even notice that she has a new hairstyle. Or the hard-working man who is forced to do all kinds of extra work around the house on the weekend and It is precisely these couples who complain that their relationship has become purely functional. They miss the romance of the past – and ultimately look elsewhere. ”
Everything that makes the other in the partnership feel loved and valued has been neglected by these couples. Habit and convenience instead of attention and respect. And that’s where the problems start. After all, everyone wants to feel wanted, noticed and loved. The sad truth is, if one of you can’t make the other feel like that, he’ll find it somewhere else.
That Certain Something is Missing in the Relationship
It’s tough now, ladies, but Helen Croydon found out during her research that a not exactly small percentage of men still look for that ‘something extra’ when they cheat. The expert explains: “I was surprised how many men say that they love their wife and don’t want to leave, but that they somehow lack that certain something. Not necessarily sex, but romance and dates, getting to know someone completely new. ”
That is more than sobering indeed. If it were all about sex, it might be easier to cope with than looking for romance and flicker. But ultimately we will all have to admit that we simply lack the excitement and news in longer relationships. The long-term partner is just known and used. Helen Croydon says: “Sad but true: Too much familiarity can make the passion subside. Even though we all long to be really familiar and close with someone. Small consolation: It’s not that difficult, your own partnership to get away from common TV evenings in sweatpants, budget plans and cuddly romance in socks. ”
The ‘One Last Time’ Syndrome
To show the other that you want to spend your life with them, and maybe forever, is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it can also lead to panic breaking out on the other person. Helen Croydon says: “Men think that they owe it to themselves to be allowed to be like they used to be. To be able to live their old life again. And this last time, they mistakenly think, should then help them, also in the long term to be faithful. ” A big mistake. Because one last affair will not give anyone the feeling of being more experienced or having let off steam.
The expert advises anyone who believes that their own man has these fears and thoughts should use their lust for sex and conquest for their own purposes. “Ask him what he’s missing and try to find a way together. Why not plan a really wicked sex weekend with him, as if you had just met? Even if it was just in a hotel around the corner.”
Escape From Relationship Problems
We all have good times and bad times in our relationship. This is completely normal. And it would be too easy to directly doubt the complete relationship and love at such moments. But it is hardly surprising that this is still one of the main reasons for men to seek their happiness elsewhere and cheat. Helen Croydon says: “It’s pretty stupid when someone who has problems in the relationship throws himself into an affair. You draw attention to the new person for a short time and think that you can solve your own problems.” All of that energy put into the affair could better be used to save the relationship. That would help in the long term than a quick adventure.
“That’s why you should address the problems in your relationship openly. Your partner should be worth talking to,” says Helen Croydon. “If you are not able to do this, you should let your partner go. Many here are simply too afraid of being single and remain in broken relationships. But it can be very liberating when you break away from a partner who ultimately only makes you unhappy makes.”
The Good Opportunity
The classic fearful situation is clearly this: We are not in town, he goes around the houses with his buddies, meets a woman and promptly ends up in bed with her. Of course, that also happens, but it is rarely the case. Helen Croydon says: “Fortunately, men do not necessarily cheat as soon as the opportunity arises, as many women believe. Anyone who uses the first situation that arises to cheat has already had these thoughts or has suppressed secret wishes. Hardly someone jumps into bed with the next best woman they meet.
I have had the experience that men who cheat in this way have done it beforehand, or have already thought about it beforehand. “The classic fearful situation is clearly this: We are not in town, he goes around the houses with his buddies, meets a woman and promptly ends up in bed with her. Of course, that also happens, but it is rarely the case.
Helen Croydon says: “Fortunately, men do not necessarily cheat as soon as the opportunity arises, as many women believe. Anyone who uses the first situation that arises to cheat has already had these thoughts or has suppressed secret wishes. Hardly someone jumps into bed with the next best woman I know experienced made that men who cheat in this way have done it beforehand, or have already thought about it beforehand. ”
The expert’s tip: “Trust creates respect, and there is no better protection against being betrayed than mutual respect. That is why you should give your partner air and freedom. If he goes out alone, he shouldn’t see it as an opportunity, no longer from to be watched, but he should miss you. Give him the opportunity to do so. “