Philophobia: Fear of Falling in Love


While many people want to find love and make the most of it,  others experience the problem of philophobia. In other words, the thought of falling in love creates fear, anxiety, and stress. Did you know about philophobia?

What is Philophobia?

Philophobia, as the name suggests, is a fear that appears in people who are extremely afraid of starting a relationship. The mere thought of actually forming a bond creates fear, stress, anxiety, and worry.

However, it is important to note that philophobia is a type of phobia that is different from the general fears and insecurities you feel when you first fall in love or start a relationship. In fact, people with philophobia don’t just feel anxious, they experience extreme fear.

Philophobia is considered an anxiety disorder that can have serious consequences. In severe cases, fear can start to avoid any communication with others. In other words, you don’t hang out with people to avoid any situation that could lead to a relationship or emotional connection.

In extreme cases, the fear of relationships may extend to other types of relationships, such as family.

Given this, it makes sense that people with philophobia develop high levels of stress and anxiety, which affects their happiness and personal relationships. It can also lead to complete social isolation, as mentioned earlier.

In general, philophobia is more common in people who have been through some sort of trauma. Examples include abuse or a traumatic breakup. On the other hand, this phobia can also be caused by the fear of being rejected.

In any case, fear of a relationship is a defense mechanism that appears to prevent repeated bad experiences or to avoid suffering or rejection.

Read Also: 8 Ways to Fall in Love with Your Spouse Again

Behavioral Patterns in People with Philophobia

People with philophobia actually feel anxious whenever they have to start a social relationship.

  • Anxiety and agitation at the thought of starting a relationship or falling in love: Physically, some ailments can develop, such as panic attacks, palpitations, or stomach problems. On the other hand, psychologically, they show high levels of stress.
  • Emotional Suppression
  • Escape behavior or isolation avoiding social contact
  • Impossible love in many instances: Impossible love is the perfect excuse for someone who can’t fall in love but wants to convince themselves that they can. Because that relationship is impossible to establish.

How to Overcome Philophobia

As with anything, the first step is to admit that there is a problem. It is important to seek help from there.

Philophobia is a defense mechanism that starts wrongly to avoid or respond to certain situations that trigger fear. However, maintaining a healthy relationship is not something to be avoided.

Therefore, you need to discover the defensive habits you have developed and start treatment that will help you change them. And, of course, you need to analyze why it happened in the first place.

In this sense, cognitive behavioral therapy is generally very effective. In addition, desensitization therapy also can be a very good result. Desensitization therapy consists of confronting and exposing yourself to the factors that trigger the phobia, which gradually desensitizes you and the fear disappears.

Some Advice

Psychological help and other strategies are the most effective ways to face this problem.

If a person with philophobia does not do their part, treatment will not see results. Therefore, we recommend the following actions:

  • Expose yourself to your fears: In fact, this is one of the best ways to overcome your fears.
  • Practice relaxation techniques:  Activities such as mindfulness may help you overcome this problem.
  • Expressing yourself: It’s always helpful to have a conversation with friends, family, or people around you.
  • Taking the time: Changing defense mechanisms learned from traumatic experiences is not an easy task. It takes a lot of hard work and helps to be able to change everything on your mind. So it takes time.

Of course, love and relationships can be painful. But it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s love or friendship, a relationship can be faithful, fulfilling, and bring true happiness.

Therefore, we must let go of the idea that avoiding life and emotions is better than living with them. In fact, if you act this way, you will or will never live a fulfilling life.

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I am Jessica Moretti, mother of 1 boy and 2 beautiful twin angels, and live in on Burnaby Mountain in British Columbia. I started this blog to discuss issues on parenting, motherhood and to explore my own experiences as a parent. I hope to help you and inspire you through simple ideas for happier family life!


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