How to Determine What Your Spouse Wants Out of the Relationship


Not sure what your partner wants? Do you feel that your relationship is one-sided? We are here to provide you with a set of guidelines you will need to deal with these difficult situations.

Starting a relationship with a partner means starting something together. So, both of you need to know what you want and where you’re heading. But what happens when you don’t know what your partner wants? How should we act at this time?

Is it a signal to end the relationship, or a signal to make an ultimatum?

Joint Project

When we start dating, we assume that it is a communal life project. That is, the relationship is moving toward a common goal and shared plan. This is a plan for a future full of dreams, responsibilities, and hard work.

But when either party doesn’t know what they want, this joint project can’t exist. At this point, it is virtually meaningless for one person to dominate the relationship.

Setting goals for moving on will only lead to frustration. It can also lead to blaming each other in the future.

Read Also: How to Motivate Your Spouse Who Doesn’t Want to Work

Building relationships in life is a common life project. However, if the conditions of the relationship are not clear at this time, you may experience stress and frustration.

So what happens when a partner doesn’t know what they want in a relationship? If we or our partners are in this situation, try the following.


Everything is confusing. One day our partner seems committed, but the next day everything changes. In some ways, the relationship may seem serious, but in other ways, it feels like a try-out relationship. So these ups and downs make us constantly doubt and anxious.


A situation in which someone hesitates without knowing what they want can lead to frustration, stress, and pain. Imagine trusting someone who doesn’t know what to do and as a result, doesn’t reciprocate our feelings. Giving more than I get in a relationship is really painful.

Fear of Conversation:

Maybe we can avoid talking about the future with our partners, whether short-term, medium-term, or long-term. Because partners don’t know what they want, both tend to avoid these kinds of conversations.

What to do when you don’t know what your partner wants?

Let’s be honest

There’s no point in suppressing feelings of doubt, frustration, or pain. In other words, the best way is, to be honest with your partner. Be honest about your feelings, thoughts, and dreams about this relationship.

However, we need to be aware that our partner may not share our plans, aspirations, and even our emotions. Nor can we force it on our partners. Therefore, you should be prepared to remain calm no matter what you hear.

A relationship is a commitment that includes responsibility, understanding, and respect. If these elements are missing from a relationship, the relationship is unhealthy.

Let’s take care of ourselves

The stress of this situation can break the relationship. Therefore, we must love ourselves first of all.

As I said above, it’s not easy to maintain a relationship if a person doesn’t know what they want in a relationship. It’s disappointing and sad to give an opponent more than he actually gets. So he should take care of himself first and ask himself if the relationship is really worth it.

If two people do not share the same vision for the future, the relationship is bound to fail. So we have to think about ourselves and understand that we are heading in a different direction and we want something different.

Figure out what you actually want

Don’t get caught up in your feelings for someone who doesn’t know what you want. Instead, ask yourself what you want in the future.

What plan do you have in mind? How would you like to feel about the person you will share your life with?

If you are with someone who is confused and unable to come up with a clear answer, now is the time to move forward. If a partner can’t promise a future, he doesn’t need to make any promises to him.

Instead, boost your self-esteem, maintain your dignity, and say goodbye to those who don’t fit you. We will be moving towards something much healthier and happier.

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I am Jessica Moretti, mother of 1 boy and 2 beautiful twin angels, and live in on Burnaby Mountain in British Columbia. I started this blog to discuss issues on parenting, motherhood and to explore my own experiences as a parent. I hope to help you and inspire you through simple ideas for happier family life!


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