Your baby already knows when there is a crisis in the family. It’s like a little seismograph that senses every discrepancy. The argument in the interpersonal relationship is even important for the child’s development. However, it depends on the right culture of argument so that your child feels comfortable despite an argument.
When mother and father argue
There are practically no families where there is never an argument. Because wherever there are people, different opinions are represented. And these want to be discussed. The basic idea of a dispute is always to find a solution. Therefore, a constructive argument is important in order to define common goals.
For your child’s development, it is also important that he or she is aware of the constructive arguments between mother and father. Because it learns from home to express its own opinion and to resolve conflicts positively. Parents’ arguments can also become a threat to your child, whenever anger takes the lead, mother and father yell at each other, threaten each other or even become violent. In these cases, your baby or child will no longer feel safe and secure.
How should parents resolve their conflict?
Parents argue constructively with each other if they discuss their concerns respectfully and in an appropriate tone. But if it gets loud or offensive, then you shouldn’t have the argument in front of the child. Because an openly aggressive style of conflict has a particularly damaging effect on your child.
Even a baby can feel when something is “in the air”. It doesn’t necessarily have to be physical violence like poking, pulling the hair or worse. Humiliation or verbal abuse are also part of (physical) violence and have a threatening effect on your child. Nonviolent communication can also be learned. Those who consider themselves to be one of the more spirited personalities should absolutely avoid arguing in the presence of the child and learn and cultivate positive, constructive arguing.
Children change through violent arguments within the family
If a negative culture of argument takes place regularly in the presence of your child, then your child’s emotional security is at risk. Children react to such a culture of argument with permanent vigilance, as they fear a new argument at any time. This creates stress, which inhibits healthy development. As a result, it can lead to behavior problems in your child.
However, if parents use a constructive culture of argument that is solution-oriented and respectful, then children do not perceive these arguments as a threat. You learn from parents how to argue properly and at the same time trust that mother and father are competent in solving conflicts.
The emotional security is not disturbed and the healthy development is not impaired. If there are more arguments at home, then discuss calmly with your partner that you want to be respectful. If the situation is already to be dealt with, then move the resolution of these conflicts into a framework in which you and your partner can be given help by a mediator or marriage counseling.