Everyday at least one person searches for something like “how to stop yelling” or “I yell at my kids too much” and then clicks on the blog post I have presented below.
Everyday.
This post has been up on my blog for almost a year. It is one of my most viewed blog posts, yet barely anyone comments on it.
Everyday there is a mom or dad out there who loses their cool and shouts at their kids. They are searching for answers, for help, looking for ways to make their lives more peaceful and to be nicer to their kids.
Everyday.
I wanted to share it again as there is obviously a need. People are looking for help and perhaps what you read below might help you.
Now, I still yell at my kids sometimes. But, its a hell of a lot less than it used to be.
If you yell at your kids and you think it is too much then read on. And please check out Emily’s post on Babble. It is amazing and helped me so much.
Thank you, Emily.
Enjoy….
**************************************************
I few months ago, I linked to a blog post on Babble by Emily Rosenbaum about yelling at your kids, or more accurately, how to stop.
For awhile now I have been trying to get rid of my ‘scary mommy voice’ and find another way to deal with my kids when they are fighting, biting, not listening, etc. I have yet to find a successful way to bring peace to the house on a consistent basis, at least one that will withstand cranky PMS days and cooped up rainy days.
Until now.
In her post, Emily writes about using visual cues to keep order. She used a jar marked Ice Cream that would either gain or lose its marbles based on whether her boys were fighting or not. If they didn’t fight and the jar kept its marbles (pun intended) they would get ice cream. G.E.N.I.U.S.
My girls are 4 and 6, so I needed something simple along the same lines. I came up with Happy Jar & Sad Jar (pictured above).
We found 10 heart-shaped pieces of glass from my art supply box and put them in the Happy Jar. The deal is, if someone (including Momma) does something that makes you sad, a heart comes out and goes in the Sad Jar. Something happy must then occur for the heart to find its way back to the Happy Jar.
Genius, if I do say so myself.
The Prize: Friday Night Family Movie Night. I love it as much as them and would do anything to keep it, including keeping myself from yelling. If we have all 10 glass hearts in the Happy Jar come Friday night, movie night is on.
To illustrate what makes us happy or sad we each made a list of 3 things for each category.
Here is mine: 
My oldest (6), Lala’s: 
and my youngest (4), Little Em’s: 
(Em & Sheepie)
Somehow, this whole process (and the cute lists) have made a dent in the crankiness levels around here.
Things seem far more peaceful this afternoon, I sure hope it lasts.
I am going to try this happy/sad jar. I hope it works.
It seems to have served its purpose for us, I think I yell at them much less now.
I hate that I sometimes yell at my kids, nothing makes me feel more downcast. Mostly it’s because I’m at the end of my rope, but that isn’t an excuse …. I don’t want my kids to yell, so what kind of example should I be?
This post is brilliant, thank you.
I hate yelling, its awful. You think I’m brilliant?! I love you!
your post made me cry…I find myself yelling all the time at my 3 kids…they are 7, 5 and 3…I tired of being the mean mama!
thanks for the advice, I will use it and see how it goes.
I hope it helps. The mean-mommy-monster has been creeping back in at my house. I am not sure what brings it on, or why I get so damn irritated sometimes. My girls are so sweet, I think sometimes my expectations for their behaviour is too high. Ugh. Thanks for commenting, good luck to you! xo
i did exactly what you described!
I had a melt down, I yelled at my kids – girl 8, boy 4and sat down to compose myself and googled “I yell at my kids too much” and found this postI will read the post you recommendand I will devise a jar system like you
our kids are so precious, and they never will be perfect, it is not up to them – it is up to me to learn how to deal with frustrating moments without loosing my cool
life is too short! and before we know it they will have grown up….good luck to all you other readers!
I hope my post and sharing my feelings about it helped. I think we all lose it sometimes, and often we are too hard on ourselves about it. I think if you feel bad about and take the time to look into how to stop yelling, you have taken on half the battle already.
I yell n i shout & i soo hate it..my kids are half 3 & half 2 & when they r together,its nothing but fightng & crying…& the worst part of my shouting is they have started shouting back at me…i am soo frustrated…my half 2 is i thunk too small to understand the happy or sad jar as he just started saying words so i hope it works for him too…fingers crossed…thanks.
I hope it helps. The mean-mommy-monster has been creeping back in at my house. I am not sure what brings it on, or why I get so damn irritated sometimes. My girls are so sweet, I think sometimes my expectations for their behaviour is too high. Ugh. Thanks for commenting, good luck to you! xo
Thank you… thank you.. thank you…..
i find myself laying in bed again torturing myself, having yelled at those two sweet sweet darling boys….so i searched… my mate google… anyway… let me try to tell you what happened…
we had a lovely lovely time at Macdonald’s… (an occasional naughty treat) …cheap and cheerful as it it… it really was a lovely way to spend an hour or so with them two cheeky things… makes me appreciate how much i treasure them. so why is it,
i wonder to myself, repeatedly, that when i see them bickering, or whining at each other, that it gets me so uptight? it makes me let rip and shout at them? i actually kicked a cardboard box full of lego tonight and said to them i felt the just did not appreciate the things done for them, that all they can be bothered about is their own selfish concerns and that they don’t think of either each other, or indeed others, who try to contribute to making their lives comfortable, fun and happy… one part of me thinks – how could you speak like that to them? whilst another thinks – they need to hear these home truths.
whether they need to hear them or not, they certainly don’t need to hear them like that. i do know why i do it, deep down i know it’s because of my childhood – but then i feel weak for using that, for blaming my behaviour on things that happened so damn long ago. some people would say, “you shouldn’t, you were abused” etc etc… but i still feel so awful, i really hate myself when i do that. it’s not as if it’s a daily occurrence, but i do worry that i’m changing them, that i’m making them scared of me, that i control them through my anger. i can’t do this to them, i have to find a way to stop this.
anyway…. so i yelled, sent them to their rooms, told them to get themselves into bed. and i cleared up the lego. and i went upstairs. to find harry in bed with benny, reading to him. i could have wept. we three went downstairs to our bedroom and watched some funny thing on tv. my eldest (8) cried deeply and painfully. youngest (7)… well.. he wouldn’t look at me because he couldn’t stop smiling. lol. i told them both i’m so sorry, i haven’t explained to them “why”… i will try to do tomorrow… i think i yell when they’re not getting on…when there’s conflict… when they don’t do as i ask…when we’re late… stress… tiredness… they all contribute…
i’m going to try these suggestions.. thank you again
j
I really beat myself up too. Honestly, I think we are too hard on ourselves. I say things sometimes I shouldn’t and the perfect mommy that lives on my shoulder cringes. I need to brush that bitch off….
Thanks for stopping by and your wonderful comment. I hope talking about it with other people helps. Yelling is awful and I hate it, I wish I never ever yelled….
Its one of those endless cycles, I’m sitting here while my boys 4 and 9 lie sleeping and wonder what they dreaming of? happy days playing or “monster Mommy” screaming at them? I feel like an ogre most nights when I think of how I yelled and screamed at them all day, Logically I know its the parents job to set the example and show the right way to behave, but sometimes(lately most of the time) the monster mom has been around. the summer holidays and Ramadan ( I live in UAE) leads to cabin fever and boredom which leads to kids acting up. I will keep looking for ways to stop yelling or at least do i less but I must admit at the moment the tunnels lights are off…..
Sometimes I feel like it is the only way to communicate with them. One of mine has now evolved into a kid who just doesn’t listen to a damn thing I say. Ugh. It has been awhile since I have done the sad jars, time for a revival I think…
Tomorrow, I’ll get the jars. I’m not sure how it will work with a two and three year old, but I need to do something!
I hear ya… To be honest, I think the jars worked more for me than them. I needed a reminder to find another way, use my words. It also gave me a non-verbal way to threaten them, which was pretty much the most awesome thing that had happened to me in a long time. I would just have to pick up the jar and threaten to throw in a heart. I think I might need to start it up again…
[...] I found this blog entry: “How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids”. [...]