Hangashore: In Canada, specifically in Newfoundland, people refer to the men who don’t work or sit around, as a “hangashore”. This makes reference to the main way of earning an income on the Rock: fishing.
Urban Dictionary
A few weeks ago my girls and I picked through the books at Value Village. Well, actually Lala and I did, little Em likes to play with the jewelry conveniently displayed next to the books. Just as we were about to leave little Em grabbed a book off the shelf and tossed it in the basket.
I love kids books about the East Coast. You don’t come across them very often, so this was a real score. One that Em pulled off that the last second. Nicely done, Em.
We didn’t get around to reading it until last night.
This is Sailor, a Newfoundland dog. He lives with Ike and Ike's family in Twillingate, Newfoundland.
Fairly boring, standard intro. But, it was the page that caught my attention. Not the text, but the child’s writing below it.
It is a little hard to read but it says:
“I don’t have a mom anymore because the one taking care of me hates me”
I stopped cold, reading it over and over in my head. Lala tapped me on the shoulder, “You going to read it, Momma?” Little Em poked me in the cheek, pointing at the book, “Read it!”
I looked at my little girls and pulled them a little closer. A hangashore mom, that’s what this “one” was. Someone who “takes care” of her kids, but doesn’t love them. It was hard not to cry while I read the rest of the book. I imagined the little boy or girl who must have written this note. Old enough to write, old enough to know his/her mom hated them. Writing this note for for someone to see, someone to know.
I searched the rest of the book for more writing, a name, anything. There was nothing. just this sad, short little note to the world that they were hated. Not loved. Living with a hangashore.
wait . . . some child had written in the book while in the store and then you bought it?
My recent post Gardening By The Seed Of Our Pants
No, it was a used book. Probably owned it and then it got donated to Value Village, by their presumably horror of a mother….
That would make me cry, not just for the ghost of the child in the book, but for my own daughter who feels this way a lot.
I am not mean to her. I'm not horrible. I'm doing the best I can. What she writes in her journals however, could curl your toenails.
My recent post Crossroads to Neurological Evaluations
I thought about whether the mother of this child was suffering through something awful or perhaps PPD. I remember thinking terrible things about my mom when I was a teenager. Out of context it looks terrible, but you are right, there may be more to the story.
.When I was a copier mechanic, I was in a lot of schools, and the copier was
always by the secretary's desk, so I heard more than I wanted to, about what
kind of life-forms there are for parents out there.
Gosh Dad, I bet. I can only imagine. I just hope to be a good parent to my girls and do my very best.
love you.
That's heartbreaking. I wonder what happened – was the "mom" a foster parent or a real mom? Did she have drug problems? I'm trying to rationalize this one but I just…can't. If it was "I don't have a mom anymore because she hates me" I could ALMOST rationalize it to a fight but the "taking care of" is what's strange. That suggests some kind of unusual situation. Regardless- it's awful. I hope your kids aren't old enough to read it.
They aren't, not yet. Not sure what to do with the book. I guess it has served a purpose, this child's voice has spoken out to another mother, one who will do her best to make sure this doesn't happen to her children.
Dude. That is so sad. Heartbreaking that a child would write that.
I know, so sad. I don't know what to do with the book. I can't erase the writing, that would be like erasing this child and their feelings. I don't want to have to explain it to my child, that a child could feel like they didn't have a mother because they felt that they were hated. Sigh…sad world….
I don't even know what to say– it's all been said! This is awful, and I somehow bet your little ones hugged you a little more after that.
Yes, I sure did. I hope my girls never feel like that.
that is the sadest story I have ever heard…that poor child
I wonder what they thought would come from writing it down. Maybe it made it seem more, or hopefully, less real.
Aw that’s so sad
How sad…made me cry just thinking about it!
Terrible, I wish every child had a happy life. And maybe a pony. But not my kids, I don’t have anywhere to keep a pony.
Hey MM. I loved your first vlog! And now I know how you got the name Mountain Momma (so you *don’t* live in Appalachia..) I love your blog. (-:
Ah, I love yours too.. How is your trip going? Your girls are so cute.
Okay, wow, just read your Hangashore post…wow. It got me where I live as a mother, right down deep in my heart. Were you able to read the rest of the story to them, or not? At that point I probably would’ve had to switch to Ferdinand the Bull or something! One time I found a piece of paper that my oldest who was 8 at the time had written on after she had a spat w. her sister: “I am NEVER going to play w. E. AGAIN because I HATE HER!!!!” – I was horrified – but then in the next hour they were playing happily again and all was forgotten. I am so hoping that this was one of those moments in that child’s life where he/she was mad over not getting to eat a second cookie, not mad over being hated by a hangashore, but we will never know & now I’m gonna wonder about whatever happened to that kid for years…thanks for this great post.
I was able to read the rest of the story, but it was hard. I started to cry a little, but they are used to that. It doesn’t take much.
I hope it was just a kid venting and not some poor lonely soul who didn’t have a mom who loved them.
That is heartbreaking. I would hope that it was just an angry child venting but the ‘one thats taking care of me’ part does make me wonder if there is way more to the story.
I know, I looked for more writing or a name, but there was nothing else there. so sad…
Testing….
This should do it? Yes?
I know, right? So sad. I will never make my kids feel like I hate them. So terrible.
I hope to post something that warrants a smart ass remark next time. Xoxo
Wait a minute, your sis was born in Nfld??? Do you live in Canada??? Oh, so exciting.
I am trying to reply on the blog post instead of my comments section. See if this works.
My recent post The One taking care of me is a hangashore
When I first started reading this, I was excited because my sister was born in Newfoundland. Then there was the unexpected development of the writing in the book…which is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. You've made it impossible for me to leave a smart ass comment.
That is sad. You never know what kind of lives some children lead.
I want to take them all and find them nice mommies and daddies. Why are people mean? I cry….